Satanism is the best thing thats ever happened to me

Ok. I'm not saying any religion is better. I respect people's beliefs, and for the most part, am very polite. I don't bash people, and usually, people are civil, and they don't bash me.
Throughout my life, I've struggled with religion. When I was a kid, my parents dragged me into Christianity. They forced me into dresses and shoes that were too small for my feet. They made me grow my hair out long, because that was feminine, and then they would fix it every sunday, so I would look good and presentable for the masses. They made me pray before meals, before bedtime, which I thought, even then, was kind of silly. They told me that a man called jesus was always watching me, and that if I didn't be careful and be good, all the time, then I would go to a place underground and burn and be tortured- forever.
I was told this often. It depressed me, the fact that I was only about seven or eight years old (i can't remember the exact age) and I had already sinned so much, that I could never really redeem myself and be perfect.
When i was nine, I was sent to a vacation bible school. When I went there, I immediately realized that I was different. According to these people, I was a 'heathen' who was nothing in the eyes of the lord. I hadn't been baptized, cleansed of my sins.
People excluded me because of this. None of the other kids would talk to me. It made me feel horrible. So I did what most kids do when they want to be accepted- I conformed. I didn't even realize what I was doing at first. It was during the 'closing prayer' at the end of the service, and the youth pastor said, " Anyone who has not been baptized, saved from their sins, please come forward"
And I came foreward. I didn't really know what was going on. The pastor asked me if I was ready to become well, to accept Jesus into my heart, and I, a nervous little girl, said yes. I didn't even know what it meant. It was in front of all those people...and I liked it, how they cheered when I said yes, how people slapped me on the back, told me how great I was. I liked how people suddenly started talking to me, how kids came knocking at my door, asking me to come play with them.
So I was baptized. It was in the spring. I was nine. I still didn't really understand. My parents spent hours fixing my hair just so I could be dunked underwater in a heavy robe. Afterwards, i changed into a low cut shirt and a leopard print miniskirt. People patted me on the back and praised me.
I didn't understand.
When I was eleven, I started reading the bible. Immediately, I distrusted it. It just didn't make sense to me. It went against all the science I had been taught in school, and all logic that I knew.
but I didn't say anything. It didn't matter anyway. After three years of kids hanging around me just because I was a christian, they started to look closer. They didn't like me anymore. I may have been christian, but they knew I was different.
I converted to athiesm. It caused many fights, with friends and family. I was depressed. I attempted suicide, many times, and failed, all before i turned fifteen.
Atheism, to me, didn't feel right. it felt better than Christianity, but it wasn't me. It wasn't anything really. To me it was like this big arguement, this big fight, going against everything, snarling and snapping at everyone, "No! You're wrong! You're ALL wrong!"
When i was fifteen, a friend of mine was arrested for narcotics possesion. I wasn't surprised. He was big pill popper, and bought heroin, cocaine, and hallucinogens.
His parents threw away all of his possesions, all his books and clothes. He called me, crying, the day after he was arrested, telling me to 'save his books.'
I went by his house and collected an armload of books from the curb. Among them, was the Satanic Bible, written by Anton lavey.
It caught my attention. Out of curiosity, i cracked it open.
My life changed. My personality changed. I became quieter, speaking only when i felt absolutely nessessary. I was polite, focused, and intense. I held respect for those who respected me, and disdain for loud, ignorant people. I stopped paying attention to what other people thought about me, I still indulged in drugs every now and then, yes, but somehow, through doing drugs only when i wanted to, instead of when i needed to, I weaned myself of them completely. My grades got higher. I felt better. I felt accepted.
I became a laveyan satanist.
For a while, people didn't even know. My parents knew, and they still scoffed at me whenever it was mentioned (which wasnt often) but other than that, not many people knew.
But of course, people always find out. Someone noticed my inverted cross necklace, which i wore at all times, usually hidden under my shirt, more for my comfort than anything. And then they started asking. They got curious. Rumors were started.
But the funniest thing was that they weren't true. I was a satanist, but I didn't kill babies. I didn't drink blood. I didn't burn churches or break into homes at night. I didn't deal drugs or corrupt children. I didn't perform 'satanic' rituals or participate in orgies. In fact, I was quite the opposite. I got good grades and read and pretty much kept to myself. I spoke intelligently and painted beautiful pictures that made the art teacher swoon and exclaim over my talent. I wrote morbid short stories, and was referred by several teachers to go to a special school for writers such as myself. I played the violin, rather well, despite the fact that I performed in combat boots, and dark sunglasses. I didn't cake on makeup, or wear clothes that were too revealing. Although I like both girls and boys, I didn't chase after them like most people do. I wasn't boy or girl crazy. People generally liked me, although they didn't believe in what i believed in.
You could say that converting to satanism is the best decision that I've ever made. I'm so much happier now. It's a lot easier to be happy and let other people have their beliefs and be happy when you've got something of your own that you truly believe in.
I think, when i turn eighteen, I'm going to get a tattoo of the inverted cross on my shoulder. Just a small one, on my shoulderblade, so it'll be easier to cover up and hide. It'll just be a little reminder, my safety blanket, something I can look at when i'm feeling nervous or sad. It'll be something to comfort me, make me happy. I want to be a phsychiatrist, so it'll have to be something I can hide under work clothes. I'm not ashamed of my religion, but I don't think it'd go over too well with clients.
I'm not trying to convert anybody. I'm just tired of the bad reputation satanism's getting. It's mostly a lot of 'goth' kids wanting to shock, painting inverted crosses on their foreheads and wearing pentagrams, being general assholes. Not all of them are, but a great deal of them are rude and ignorant, spewing expected comments about drinking bats blood and killing sheep and murdering their parents. It's people like that that make everyone think satanists are horrible, and evil.
I'm not like that though. And I don't know any real satanists that are. Most of us are intelligent people who dress just like normal and pretty much are normal.
As I said before, I'm not trying to convert anybody. Some people aren't interested in religion.
But if you are.....

http://www.churchofsatan.com/

Here you go. :)